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Last one standing

Is this the start of my real hero's journey?

I haven't talked about this much here, yet. I've been away, dealing with some awful events in my life. It's exhausting to think about them, let alone really talk about them.

Last year my Mummy died, followed by my (step) Dad. They were my safety net. My protectors. My family as I knew it. They loved me. Cared for me. Gave me so many happy memories.

My blood Dad also loves me. He hurts from his own life and demons, and so our relationship is littered with the actions of his own pain. I got through large patches of my life having no idea if he's okay, or even alive. He loses my number frequently, or dials it wrong, and then thinks I'm trying to avoid him.

My sister, my only blood sibling, has her own pain too. Our relationship is also littered with the outcomes of her pain. Not that I render myself innocent. I have my own wounds, and they collide in a way that doesn't equal anything healthy.

When my parents died, I held a small amount of hope that maybe one day me and my sister would mourn their loss together. That she may be a real big sister and soothe my hurt. The hope of us reconciling one day was always there. However instead, just as I was finally taking a breath after deaths, funerals and a huge move to a different country, she sent a lawyer to demand... essentially compensation for her pain. Cleverly disguised as a legitimate claim in our legal system. A claim which requested almost everything I had to my name. It would leave me with nothing.

I would previously never begrudge helping my sister if she needed it, no matter what was going on. Despite her behaviour I have still met her biggest, most important needs. Which has only resulted in her treating me worse. For every inch I gave, she responded by harming me ten fold.

Legal case aside, I see that I have no protectors, aside from those I pay. My lawyer. I have to call on my own warrior energy. I have to fight for myself. I have support, of course. Those that care and love me. All rooting for me. But the battle is mine. There's two of us left in this arena now. I will slay.

I have been forced to grow in a way I haven't had to previously. I am completely reliant on myself now. My partner is amazing, however we never know when our time on this Earth is up. I will always, in way, be the last one standing now.

Be brave my loved ones. Be Buffy.

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